from now on my penis is your penis
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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