I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
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besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
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I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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