No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
