Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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