you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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