At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
