My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
