Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize