that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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