so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
