be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
