I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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