i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
