nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
