Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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