Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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