don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
