If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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