Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i now understand why vodka
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
