There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You have to summon your inner elephant
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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