its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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