The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
