i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
