he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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