Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize