____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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