what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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