My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
