I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my phone needs a breathalizer
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
