i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
