I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
