he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
