I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
