I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
