if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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