everyone is single if you try hard enough
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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