if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
