I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
