saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
