my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
