help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The struggles of a small town man whore
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
