Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize