she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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