Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
from now on my penis is your penis
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
