remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
