I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
love makes seman taste better
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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