If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize