I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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