They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
