yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
