It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
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He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
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HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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