They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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