He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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