At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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