Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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