She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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