I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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