So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
