i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
