tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
