Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We had sex on a dog bed..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm always down for nudity.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
