yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
