Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
