I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize