cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
