My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
